Do relationships take work?
Is the tango really based on connection?
I would say yes to both. Which is both the fun and not-so-fun answer at the same time.
So often, our favorite song comes on and we pray, we pray, we pray that the person we are dancing with is going to get it. That they’re going to understand that this dance and this song is going to magically produce an amazing connection that makes us hug when it’s over while saying “that was amazing! thank you!”. And yet….we feel let down when this doesn’t happen. That’s ok. Totally tango normal.
Translate this to life…..it seems to me that familial relationships work in a similar way. We’re stuck with family, ya know? We choose our friends but we don’t get to choose our family all the time. So these are relationships that, whether we like it or not, we keep working on. Sometimes, everything falls into place and these relationships would make a fantastic script for a tv sitcom that has its audience laughing hysterically. Other times, there seems to be no base level of understanding one another whatsoever. It’s these times that feel utterly hopeless and unsolvable.
….Until, something unexpected happens. Then, all of a sudden, a natural intervention seems to occur without clear-cut communication. Something just clicks. A task that should be mundane creates the best duo since Abbott and Costello. Father and daughter are getting along. Sisters’ cat fights are completely resolved without an apology. Families feel connected without using words to heal the parts of their relationships that caused pain before.
I don’t get why this happens. It is a total anomaly to me. The enigma of connection in relationships, on and off the dance floor, almost seems like a Greek god thing. As if maybe the gods are on your side today or maybe today is just their day to particularly favor you.
For now, in my bafflement, I’m just throwing my hands up and saying ok. I’ll take it. I’ll ride this wave. Why not? I’ll be figuring out something about someone in the process. And maybe that’s the point.