I was talking with someone this past weekend about letting go of fear and worry and how important that is in getting where you need to be in life. As I said this, I realized that I do worry a lot, even though I counsel people to let go of worry. I didn’t see until that moment how much I really do worry about not having enough. By enough I don’t mean money or anything like that, I mean I worry about not having enough time, enough energy, enough knowledge, enough patience, and so on. At least a portion of every day of my life is spent worrying about how I am going to fit everything in to the day ahead and if I am going to have the energy to accomplish it all. Of course, the worrying itself takes energy and I see that I have used up some of my valuable resources worrying. Then I worry about that. And so on, and on.
As I told this person, worrying does nothing but waste energy. I was practicing yoga this morning and it hit me again, I was conserving my energy. I was worried that I wouldn’t be able to make it through the whole class if I didn’t hold back a little. Holding chair pose only halfway to my potential was my way of making sure I would have enough energy for the later poses. Then my mind treated me to another realization. I was acting out of fear and that was keeping me from living in the present. Wow. What was the worst that could happen? I might run out of steam and – god forbid – have to take a break? So what?
With that I threw myself wholeheartedly into the rest of the practice – standing split and a variation of half moon and then a warrior three. By that time I was feeling tired but I didn’t need to take a break and I made it to the end of the class in one piece. In spite of my worry, I did have enough energy to make it through – and I was thinking about how worrying wasted some of my energy and was probably a major contributor to the tired feeling I had as I relaxed in savasana.
From this point on, I promised myself, that I would take my practice one pose at a time and be fully present in the moment.
Something that I depend on, like my ankle, could turn in a flash and end my practice for that day and probably for weeks into the future. There is no way to know everything that might happen. Often, things I have thought were in the bag have fallen through and other times something that I was sure was a major disaster turned out to be a blessing.
I have to have faith. This is part of existing in the present moment. I must accept that the universe wants me to succeed. I have to let go of all the planning, worrying, and stress involved in trying to assure that everything will go a certain way. I have to know in my core that I will have enough and the universe will provide. I will be able to meet the challenges that are presented to me and I will have time to complete everything that needs to be completed.
I am enough.