Failure is a Young Blossom

It began with the letter


First it was one F, which then became two.
But it’s only a Fraction of my identity.
It’s not wholly me—it’s not wholly me. I’m kind, and talented, and very upbeat!

But to my school, I am a Failure.
And in her eyes, a dissa(p)-Tant memory in 3 years …!

More F’s—a Forgotten communication;
Furious typing, A-N-G-R-Y W-O-R-D-S!!, Frowning glares. SEE your disappointment, my Heavy, heavy heart. Weakly, I cancel one obligation, then two, then Five.
But I can take care of myself, I urge. This is for my well-being. I can persevere.
I can persA Friend Festers over our abandoned plans:
A soured Friendship, now pickled in tears; drool, mucous—
—existential crisis.
AndMeetingsAndDeadlines Br
Ke–an I?

… I’m broken.

But Life charges forward, Failure? I am a FailurNo.
But I never lost my appetite like this before.
I do not hunger this bitterness.
Is this depression? I begin to ask,
“What would happen if”Fantasizing Fatal
“What if I just disappeared?” Forgotten.
For 2 days, 3 days, 5 days
I curl up, hold ing myself,
because touch is, is s so precious, no
wants sFailureFetal wishes
Without obligations,

q u i e t

is the floor that holds me.
a hard, hollow,
ever-present companion;
the constant ear that honors my Feelings and judges not my
I press upright
I sit before the beast, my inevitable Failure
I stare it in the eyes.
Drained and defeated,
I slump
before my
Letters become words, words become phrases,
Phrases become sentences, paragraphs and pages.
Into the heart of the beast, I slowly dig to find the seed of its solution.
Fruitious becomes the Fear of Failure—Fertile the potential of success.
When the Problem can be identified, the journey is exciting. Any action is better than none, I Find. There is tremendous self-care in going somewhere, anywhere—even if only baby steps towards s some some something … it is within my control.
It is always within my control.
So I began to tread through the scary lair, unknowing what else might burst from its depths.

And the adventure continues.

“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.”

– Anaïs Nin

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