Letting Go and All That Jazz
The last few days have been like a personal invitation to warmth, delight, treasure, and restoration.
I have not felt the need to be sexy, glamorous, or smoldering. And ironically, putting no effort into my appearance (besides the pampering effects post-bubble bath), has made me feel naturally ravishing, exquisite, and captivating. I have spent one day walking everywhere I needed and wanted to go. I spent another day taking a road trip and driving only one errand. I spent a few hours each day outside playing with a four-legged companion, who currently lies beside me making dreaming noises while sleeping. I confess — I have been guilty of watching him sleep a time or two this evening.
As I was in the midst of this resplendent nature, spiritually, emotionally, physically, and intellectually, I found myself reflecting a bit on what I heard in two different yoga practices at two different studios today. They both focused on the heart chakra, possibility, and letting go. They must be in cahoots.
The sassy woman inside me always wants to say “Let go….. of……what? You people always say this as some profound, heaven-achieving thing and you’re never terribly specific with the directions, ya know. Just speaking as a completely obtuse, third-party outsider.”
I want a how-to book for these things. I’m really good at following directions so give me something I can work with!
Piggy-backed on this immediate response is its imminent other half: the bright side/the wise mind/the good angel. I think, for me in particular, dual-consciousness is a thing. The sassy is always walking with the curious. It’s the mix of the temporary emotion with the acknowledgment of the greater purpose.
So that is EXACTLY why there is no frikin’ how-to book for letting go. If there was, why would we need to be open to all the possibilities?
Letting go means that I have the option, choice, and will to go over previous conversations, pictures, memories, feelings, and to stalk all social media accounts they have just to feel like I know them still or am a part of their life (because social media stalking is what you do in this day and age).
(Also, did you know gmail erases deleted messages after 30 days? I think they know something about letting go that I’m reluctant to embrace.)
So many possibilities…..sit and indulge in these things or ___________? Do something else? What else? Is the question “where do I go from here” or “where can I go from here”? I think it’s the latter and I think there’s a difference. I just don’t know what but I’m sure if I studied the language and the deeper meaning of the verb choice, I would find it. The former implies a fate or a predestined path. The latter implies a choice.
I’m learning that letting go of something is not synonymous with ignoring it. I’ve done a pretty good job of ignoring the death of my grandparents. I have not cried. Couple tears, sure. But not the genuine, snotty, magnificent sobbing that I know is tucked deep into the living water that sustains my heart. I avoided cleaning out their house. I haven’t looked at our family photo albums since. I listen to my mom when she has her moments of some brief sobs. I can feel the desire to let it go and breakdown with her. There’s a few layers of protective covering til I can get there. I don’t think it has to be shattered to get to it. An anvil surely doesn’t have to drop from the sky onto it to get there. A warm cloth like you would use to wipe away the dirt from a wound would work perfectly.
How can tango be my avenue to letting go? Being a dance that is all about the embrace and all….
Is it possible to learn to let go through the act of embracing something? Sort of like the role a spoon plays in stirring a pot on the stove. The spoon helps move whatever’s in the pot so the not-so-good stuff can evaporate out, leaving only the most sensational things. Does that make any sense at all?
In any case, here’s my “letting go” to do-list (to be completed organically, as in ‘no due date according to a calendar/numerical time I may set’):
–Anger. Big and small. Chronic and acute.
–People that are no longer a part of my life, whether that occurred through the means of passing away or through choice.
–Not being a part of other’s lives, whether that is the way it is because of distance, inconvenience, lack of desire, their choice or mine.
–Anything else I may discover in this upcoming season.