Self-Sabotage & Finding Your Edge
no such thing as a problem
without a gift for you
in its hands.
You seek problems
because you need
–Richard Bach, Illusions
I’ve been thinking a lot about the concept of self-sabotage.
That is, when a person seems to intentionally build a road-block for themselves right before an opportunity for success or self-improvement presents itself.
Self-sabotage, the way I define it, refers to an unconscious resistance to growth or improvement, and grows from finding comfort in feeling uncomfortable.
For example; I once knew a person who, after successfully serving five years of probation without a hitch, chose to reoffend just two weeks before the end of her probation, adding more time to her sentence.
Self-sabotage is looking for a problem in your relationship when there isn’t one; it’s the feeling of waiting for the other shoe to drop because insecurity causes you to feel unworthy of something that makes you feel good.
I can draw a parallel between self-sabotage and finding my edge in yoga.
Sometimes I resist finding my edge, because I’m so sure that I won’t be able to do it. Negative self-talk, insecurities or a host of other unhelpful ideas cause me to pull back, to resist growth.
In running, I am apt to pull back and slow down when I start to feel breathless,
Even if I’ve still got gas still left in the tank.
In yoga, I’m likely to pull out of a new pose if I feel shaky, for fear I fall out of it, even if I’m not at my edge.
It doesn’t feel like a conscious decision; self-sabotage or growth resistance, but the way to fix it feels completely within the limits of my control. I think.